Kintsugi Mending

I haven’t been well. It’s crazy how life can take a turn in a matter of days. And this past week has definitely shown me that enough is enough. I have to slow down, stop whatever I have been doing and dig deep within myself, as I go through this health crisis. It’s manifested in physical health conditions dealing with my gut but what I finally came to realize and admit to myself is that the core issue is stressed induced anxiety. 

These last few pandemic years have been relentless and it finally bought me to my knees so I can stop denying many truths in my life. Perhaps I will write more about this experience soon but for now I wanted to share something I had written awhile back that resonates with me so much now. 

“My body and heart wake up tender some days. I lay scattered in a small patch of sunlight coming through the window. “Revive me”, I pray. I must gather myself up like some petal pusher.  I must take the light in so that I may let the light out in whatever way I can, with whatever will I can reach for. Letting the light in to push it forth, scattering petals along the way for myself and the others. I find my volition in the small things... The cold crisp air my lungs breath in. The woman walking in front of me with her heart embroidered pantyhose, the sweet child who smiles back at me, as she is dropped at school. The music that vibrates in my bones and moves my spirit and the sunlight that fills the small cracks inside me.  Reminds me of the Japanese practice “kintsugi”. They take broken ceramic bowls and repair it with golden lacquer. "The philosophy behind the technique is to recognize the history of the object and to visibly incorporate the repair into the new piece instead of disguising it." I picture myself being one of these delicate vessels with all these repaired golden cracks that the golden light fills in me. Making me whole again. And I keep gentling pushing on scattering the sweet petals, sharing the light and beauty that is gifted to me.”